By now you know....from listening to me....that the mens room here at Clearchannel smells like a decomposing body.....like a sperm whale that's washed ashore and is rotting in the blistering sun.  I've said many times it's the only restroom that smells better after someone "throws Charlie Brown in a ditch."

So because of this and the fact the light was out I decided to take up residence in the women's restroom which is lighter...brighter...cleaner and doesn't smell like fresh placenta.  So here I was yesterday...after the show...going into battle in the women's restroom...and as I was in there holding down the fort....I heard someone try to get in but couldn't.....because you can lock the door....which I did.  Not wanting anyone to know my gameplan I waited a little longer so as to make sure the woman who wanted to use it was gone.

The time then came for me to make my jailbreak.  I pulled back the latch....threw open the door....and turned to sprint into my studio like Secretariat down the stretch run.  So imagine my surprise when I turned the corner and came face to face with not my boss...but his boss!!!!!!  Yeah....a lady who's title is bigger than Market Manager....a lady who could very well determine my future at WWVA.

So there I am...#1 a male in a women's restroom....and #2....just after I nuked it.  I was speechless.  I mean...what do you say?  It's like getting caught standing over the body with the bloody knife in your hand.  It's like running out of the bank carrying the loot like a football and slamming face to face into the SWAT team.  So as I looked my future in the eyes....I simply said "sorry...the lights are out in the men's restroom" and kept going...hoping she had already used the facilities downstairs.  But no...why would my luck change now right?  I heard the creek of the door opening and braced for the shreek that was sure to follow after what I just did to the air quality in there.  So I guess what I'm saying is when you tune in next week and it's "The Paul Morgan Experience".....at least now you know why.  It's been a pleasure serving you. 

Well the former mayor and current councilmember of Smithfield along with her police chief Bob Mieckowski are one step closer to hell after their latest atrocity.  I mean...what kind of human being locks out a non-profit organization who delivers food to invalids and people confined to their homes?  You might try asking the 2 of them...because THEY are that type.

These 2 own the building that houses Lunches with Love.....a non-profit who feeds the needy of Jefferson County and surrounding areas.  Freeland and Mieckowski....the Paula Deen and Boss Hogg of the Valley...say they locked them out because the non-profit is behind on their bills.  The director of Lunches with Love...Doug Marshall...says they sometimes get behind but always pay their bills.  He said they received no warning or advance notice from Freeland nor the chief about getting locked out...and because of it....the people they serve in the area did not get their meals.  Freeland and Mieckowski wouldn't even return their calls.

I will have much more on this story Thursday...but C'MON MAN!!!!!!  These 2 are unbelievable!  First they stiff an auto mechanic for over $1,000 dollars for work done on a cruiser (which I reported on)...and now this?  And it get's worse.  Apparently a doctor sent a check to Lunches for Love addressed to Freeland for $5,500 to install air conditioning and a wheelchair ramp in her building.  Well...there is no AC and no ramp....and the $5,500 cannont be accounted for.  Calls to the "Queen of Mean" and "Boss Hogg" went unanswered.  Somewhere the Devil is licking his chops. 

Whoever makes the travel arrangements for Tim Tebow is probably in the unemployment line right now....because they booked him at the same hotel in Vegas where the world's largest porn convention was taking place.  I'm talking the Super Bowl of adult film shows....the Adult Entertainment Expo.

It's really a non-story...but the shock value is of biblical proportions.  You have Tebow...the Evangelical Christian QB who once famously told reporters that he was still a virgin....and Wendy Whoppers and her screen partner Duke Schlongendorfer hanging out in the same lobby.  Talk about fire and ice....Heaven and Hell!!!!!!

Now seeing as how Tebow is a virgin...can you imagine if he went up to the bar for a Coke and bumped into Chubby Funster and Ivana Spankin?  Talk about culture shock!  Apparently he just hung in his room and associated in the lobby with close friends...but still.  If you're in charge of booking places for Jesus Christ himself...wouldn't you ask ahead of time what events are planned for the weekend in question?  That would be the obvious thing to do so as not to have a total PR nightmare on your hands. 

For now...as I said...this seems like a non-story.  But who's to say when the tabloids come out next week....there won't be a picture of Tim Tebow and "The Hedgehog" Ron Jeremy hugging each other smiling for the camera.  Sad part is...Tebow would probably think the "Hedgehog" was a random fan wanting a picture....and would have no clue that the guy he's posing with has killed more beaver than a Canadian trapper.

So Jerome Poynton...the East Wheeling property owner who is battling the city over their plans to build a sports facility in East Wheeling....has filed to run for mayor against incumbent Andy McKenzie.  This is the funniest thing I've heard since someone told me the reason West Virginia boys are uncircumcised is so they'll have somewhere to put their dip when they go swimming.  Have a good one.

I was hanging out with a buddy the other day when all of a sudden he said, "you know what would be awesome?"  Now I don't even remember what the answer was to his question...but it got me thinking...and yes...I do know what would be awesome.  Awesome would be:

a shaving device that uses lasers

alarm clocks that wake you to the smell of sizzling bacon

if the wafer at church when you receive the body of Christ tasted like beef jerky

cars that drive themselves so you can eat...drink...hose...sleep...etc

eye implants allowing you to see thru a womans shirt would be awesome

light sabers

alchohol with no hangover

an NFL that allows hitting

a new Mob Wives episode each week

somebody telling me if Kris Humphries is white or black would be awesome....as would me going home right now because it's Friday and I don't feel like thinking anymore.  Later.

I may be going out on a limb here...but Wheeling attorney Teresa Toriseva is not in the running for Realtor of the Year.  Her client...James Tiu...recently agreed to sell his East Wheeling home to the city for $65,000 dollars according to my source.  This is the same home Toriseva offered to the city at one time for $200,000.  In explaining this inflated price...the attorney offered up the funniest quote since Washington D.C. Mayor Marion Barry said "the bitch set me up" after getting busted with a hooker and crack rock!  Toriseva said, "the house is really nice and if it were located somewhere else it would be worth alot more money."  Yeah Teresa...and if Magic Johnson didn't have HIV then more women would probably want to hose him.

Everybody knows it's LOCATION...LOCATION....LOCATION.  Sure if James Tiu's home was located in Oglebay it would probably be worth $150,000....but it's not!  Instead....it's located on the corner of crack...hooker and drive-by.  Therefore..the price drops considerably.  Now imagine if James had just worked with the city from the beginning.  He could have avoided a ton of bad press and bought the house at the same price without having a years worth of legal fees. 

So instead...James...who as a city councilman is suppose to look out for the cities best interests....tried to get $100,000 initially for a home appraised at $44,000.  Then he wouldn't let the city inside the structure to reappraise (I assume on the advice of his attorney)....then said it wasn't for sale because he needed to rent it for income...and then bumped the price up to $200,000 without explaining when he realized the basement floor was made of gold.  The bottom line is James and Teresa thought they had the city over a barrell...but in the end....they are the ones who ended up bending over and grabbing their ankles.